DNA/DNF - there’s always more to it
Inspired by Kate Pym’s piece on medical DNAs (Did Not Attend), I want to draw attention to those moments and events in life that might make us feel like failures through no fault of our own. Kate describes, “What appeared in the hospital diary as one appointment was, for this family, a chain of arrangements involving work, transport, mobility, meals, medication, parking, wheelchairs and waiting.” The harsh DNA didn’t explain that there was a sudden work emergency, the car broke down and they had to enlist a neighbour’s help but that grandma couldn’t get into the neighbour’s car because it was too low or too high, that they couldn’t park or there was no wheelchair available when they got to the hospital, there was so much that could go wrong.
My son is a triathlete: he competes against professional triathletes though he works (more than) full time on his fast-growing sports tech business. From time to time, he’s raced and ended up with a DNF, did not finish, which is a bare statement of fact, callous in my eyes because I’m his mother! Because I know that there’s always a story behind those three cruel little letters – a crash, an injury, something that is going to result in weeks or months of non-training time, putting him behind. When you look at the stats in sport, there is no explanation column, a DNF just looks like a fail so sports men and women have to hold their heads high, knowing the truth and keep trying. Athletes have to carry the DNF stigma while still projecting confidence.
When we have to miss a meeting or leave it early, forgo a networking event or let a call go to voicemail, it’s chalked down to our failure to be available. The result could be that the opportunity, the win, goes to someone else or we’re seen as not committed or both. The person who called the meeting at 5pm, the organiser of the 8am breakfast or the 7pm caller ignores that not everyone has the flexibility to be open all hours, that many of us have commitments, duties and responsibilities outside of work as well. It’s mainly women, maybe 70:30 these days, compared with 90:10 in the ‘90s and 2000s, but we are still seen as the DNFs or the DNAs of the business world. Flipping the coin, we should see this lack of availability as healthy boundaries but that’s a topic for another day.
Kate’s research into why people don’t attend medical appointments and making it easier and even possible for them to attend, not to be a DNA, is simple but brilliant. Employers are more understanding today about their employees having responsibilities beyond the factory gates yet people still feel frowned upon for not putting their work first so feel compelled to leave the family needs to their partner (what about their partner’s career!). Life is not fair…as for injured athletes, they are left to fend for themselves, pick themselves up and just keep trying.
To explore how to cope with DNAs and DNFs, think about some coaching…
